We cloak ourselves in what Christopher Lasch called protective shallowness. You would surely see through such transparent puffery and reject it out of hand. What I don't say, although it may come through in my intentionally smiling manner, is that their telling me I've been kind annoys me somewhat. And when that happens, you're not , according to an article on EliteDaily. If you have a good reason, they will respect you for respecting your own time. If this sounds like you, then I bet you agree that turning down a friend's invitation, or politely excusing yourself from the too-long convo, is way easier said than done. At the end of the meeting, he invited the writer to send him a memo with some cover suggestions.
Then you might have a problem. These days, we tend to think of all praise as flattery. Mock titles of that sort, often based -- as so many mildly amusing jokes are -- on stereotypes. If all truth is relative, flattery is just another way of massaging it. I enjoyed this book tremendously because it zoomed in on the truth about human relations by way of all the different realms of knowledge history, philosophy, entertainment, politics, business and of course psychology where the truth is so often brushed aside. Not too long after I started work, there was a kind of get-acquainted session for new writers.
What To Do About It Try your hand at being more stubborn, Meiss suggested. This can be an excellent but it can also mean your boss may take advance of you. The only time it's bad is when you it brings on a sense of resentment, or overwhelm. We all want to be appreciated. Reduced blood pressure, depression and anxiety, along with increased energy levels are some of the additional benefits of helping others. Stick to your guns, and people will respect you for it.
Your Friends Toss Around The Word Codependence Remember what I said about nice people attracting users? You know: The Italian Cuisine Diet Book, The Smart-Blonde Gag Collection. No one believes in the George Washington-cherry tree standard anymore — if they ever did. Because I'm a reviewer -- a critic writing about theater, music, books, movies, art, dance, opera -- I often come into contact with people who I've reviewed. Now, the quips are quite good, so you may like the book anyway. Yes, that'll be a fantastic book. In fact, the act of helping another person triggers activity in the same areas of our brain that are involved in pleasure and reward. In many ways, flattery works like a heat-seeking missile, only what the missile homes in on is our vanity.
But be aware that about eighty percent of the book is providing such historical perspectives. If you like a little humor with your social commentaries, you will enjoy this book. Nothing is completely straight anymore. I found it strikingly original - not a rehash of academic psychology. The first is that you can start , as you try to be all things to all people. But that occasional hint of kindness -- call it mercy -- is saved for the lacking, not the accomplished.
Our flattery is simply strategic praise, and to illustrate its myriad forms, Richard Stengel takes us on a witty, idiosyncratic tour, from chimps to the God of the Old Testament who craved flattery but never got it , to the troubadour poets of the Middle Ages who invented the sappy cliches of romantic flattery , all the way through Dale Carnegie flattery will get you everywhere and Monica Lewinsky's adoring love letters to her Big Creep faux insults are also a form of flattery. It is not that I think people these days are more deceptive; I think they are more self-aware, shrewder and more pragmatic about interpersonal relations. Scientifically, kindness has a three-way effect with a positive impact on the recipient, the giver and additionally the passer-by who might chance upon the act in play. Flattery is one of those subjects that most people cannot and do not want to take seriously. Underneath that stance lurks something more questionable, I suspect. If you're sweet and caring and kind, I'm not going to suggest you stop. What they're really saying is something like this: We both know how good I am, but I'm not going to admit I think so because that would be boastful and the last thing I want to be caught at is bragging.
What does it say about our culture that we don't make a distinction between praise and flattery, or that we look at all praise as flattery? If you bend over backwards over and over and never get anything in return, , not being nice, said Elizabeth Stone on ThoughtCatalog. When you finish reading this book, you're armed to accept the facts of life among humans. I've often written about them favorably and because of that, they're inclined to thank me for my comments. What To Do About It Try to go a whole day without saying the word. Public flattery is less over-the-top, but people can still be fervently flattering in private as a kind of remedy for not being more effusive in public: I could never say this at the staff meeting, but I wanted to tell you your suggestion was just superb. And may even sound downright scary.
If you're worried this is you, don't fret. The old late-night talk-show introductions, a great entertainer and a great American, are now used only as a form of kitsch. If she tells me that I am a very insightful person, Well, hmm, that's very perceptive of her. What To Do About It You can , according to Sun. But you will feel unrewarded by the histories of flattery, beginning with studies of chimpanzee behavior.
I wish I could have checked this out of the library for a few days instead of buying it. If you are willing to be honest about human relations, you will have to accept the fact that flattery does work. Self-love, said La Rochefoucauld, is the greatest of all flatterers. For those with a serious interest in the subject, Alfons Silbermann's Grovelling and Other Vices is clearly superior. Your Calendar Is Full Of Stuff You Don't Want To Do How much of your calendar is filled up with stuff for you, versus stuff for other people? You get humorous glimpses into the foibles and virtues of those who wrote about flattery, as well as their writing. What To Do About It Start standing up for yourself.
This can often lead to a codependent relationship. If you are an agnostic or an atheist, you should probably start there in chapter three. But pervasive irony engenders a kind of cynical moral lethargy. Don't turn it off, because sweet people are awesome. It gets my possibly too easily-gettable goat for any number of reasons. They're all for kindness and lean toward it being genuinely altruistic, at least in sufficient part, despite arguments from other quarters that it's grounded strictly in selfishness -- even in sexual desire. International Random Acts of Kindness Week takes place on 9-15 February and is the perfect opportunity to step out of your comfort zone and do something for others each day.